Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
