My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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