True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
