my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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