fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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