So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
