Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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