Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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