Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
