Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
And then my night got REAL pukey
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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