i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
