so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
