FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Randomize
