ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
