either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
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I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
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I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
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