im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
