I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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