I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
