I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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