he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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