Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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