so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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