My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Randomize
