we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
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at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
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Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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