First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
