i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
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