Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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