i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
