Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
