apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
