So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
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some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
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I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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