Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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