So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
