walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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