He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
