I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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