ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I puked a lego.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
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I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
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Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
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