I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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