u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
