my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
