fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Can I color on your dick again?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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