Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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