Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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