The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
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