I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
