Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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