One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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