Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
