It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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