wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
