whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
