Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
