Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
