THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
you would pick up someone in the library
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
