There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
