What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
