I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
