Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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