But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
