Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
