Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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