the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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