He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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