the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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