Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
