seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Randomize
