Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
