Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
