she was so not down for the gang bang
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
