I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
