You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
