There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
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